Just when you think…..

On Mother’s Day, we took a lovely walk. It was evening and a light rain was falling. 

At some point, the rain stopped & I started putting my umbrella down. But I literally couldn’t. The fingers on my left hand were locked in a weird spasm. Unable to release the handle from my grip, I started to panic a little. My husband and daughter were immediately worried, but I had no idea how to reassure them – or myself. 

At first, I couldn’t imagine what the heck had happened. Using my right hand, I manually unbent my fingers and felt nerve pain, numbness and something else: the sense that I didn’t have control over my hand. It took a while, but – gradually – I began to get the correct sensation back in my hand. But it lasted most of the night. Terrifying, to say the least. Especially as I enter the final lap of prepping for the show. 

On Monday, back at school, attempting to alter shirts for the kids. I was alone in the studio and couldn’t quite hold the fabric in my left hand. When you’ve felt what you believe to be every nerve pain/numbness/weirdness possible, discovering a new one is never good. I cannot lose the use of my hands. I cannot lose the use of my hands. That’s what I kept repeating, as I cut through that fabric. The feeling wasn’t as intense as it had been on Sunday, but it slowed me down considerably. It’s lasted – on and off – the whole week. I’m over it. Enough already. (As if saying or thinking it will ✨magic✨it away).

Typing, writing, sewing, cutting – all affected by this new odd thing. A while back, I ordered exercise tools similar to the items my physical therapist had me using in the office. Clay, little finger stretchers, light hand weights. This week, I traveled around with some of them, taking breaks to keep my hand moving. Hoping the spasms wouldn’t start up. I have no idea if it helped or hindered, except for the fact that it made my hand more sore.  I don’t know. My hand feels oddly disconnected at my knuckles. Even that description doesn’t do it justice, or make sense. 

I’ll be seeing my doctor in a couple of weeks. We shall see what his opinion is on this latest bit of fun. Honestly, as I edit this, I’ve never seen this many typing errors. I’m on my fourth round of rewrites, so I think it’s time to call it. 

Of course I’ll follow up on it. But for now, the spasms – and my fear of them – have the advantage. (But not for long 😉). 

Be kind to one another.

Peace & painlessness, 

Beck❤

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