Hello and happy Thursday!I know myself to be many things. A wife and mother. A daughter and sister. A friend.
I’m a writer. I create things, both at my sewing machine and with words. And I’m human.
As I battled between the two blogs I was working on for last week and this one, I was battling a bit with myself. At this point, during any long break, I start to sink a bit. Without the norms of a structured day, (school is out! Cue the strains of Alice Cooper’s summer anthem), I tend to feel lost. My daughter is home, there is plenty to do. But my energy ran away from home and doesn’t seem to be coming back!
During my last visit to the pain doc, he encouraged me to try lowering the dose of one of my meds. He instructed me about the how’s, and I know the why’s, (I complained of becoming more forgetful and foggy during the day). It’s the actual doing that made me nervous.
But, for the first time ever, I actually listened to him and tried it. This was not a successful attempt. Within a day of changing the dose, I started to have problems with both feet. Since I set my medication trays up days before I need them, I’d actually forgotten about the pill change. I thought my feet were just sore. Then my left hand started up. Followed by my entire arm. And my back. You get my point. It wasn’t pleasant.
Without saying anything to my husband until things were becoming a problem, I’d made an effort but it’s just not working. He reminded me that it doesn’t make sense to stay in pain. It’s not like withdrawal, where things will get better once your body adjusts to being without meds. I’ve gone through that, he did it with me, and it was awful. But it got better.
I ended the experiment by taking the missing dose. And actually slept for the first time in weeks. That’s not an exaggeration. I actually haven’t slept more than 20 hours in the last two weeks. Maybe it’s the summer, maybe it’s stress. Who knows? And knowing the reason doesn’t necessarily make it less of an issue.
In the end, I’ve decided that this is my blog post. I’ve allowed myself a pass on missing last week. I’m forgiving myself for not having a more exciting one for this one. It’s ok.
Having RSD means that I constantly have to make allowances for what can and cannot be done. As well as I’m doing, and trust me when I say that I am a million miles from where I was 14 years ago, I still struggle. There are great days and awful ones. There are times when I can just about get dinner together, when I can just about get the dishes washed. And that’s ok.
The other thing I am, if nothing else, is hopeful. You all know that. We can all have our good and bad days. We can – and should – forgive ourselves. No one is harder on us than US. So why shouldn’t we kinder to ourselves as well?
Look around. Are you doing your job? Are your kids ok? (Mine is currently studying for the SAT between binge-watching episodes of “House of Cards.” She’s FINE.). Chores will get done. Life will go on.
And I will be fine. And so, I hope, will all of you.
Be kind to each other. And maybe most importantly, be kind to yourselves.
Peace and painlessness,