Two things…..

I’ve been a New Yorker my entire life – born and raised. I’ve loved this city for forever. People can say all of the bad things they want about the place and the people, I still – and always will – love it.

That being said, I am irked at some of the folks in my neighborhood. In New York City in general. The mask issue that shouldn’t be an issue at all. Ugh! Now, I am not speaking about anyone with conditions that genuinely prohibit mask wearing. I’m talking about the people who refuse “just because.” The “I’m not even sick” people. The ones who’ve decided that they can’t pose a threat to others due to the absence of relevant symptoms. Ugh.

Here’s the thing: I have CRPS. It started in my left foot and – over 17 years – has spread throughout my body. It affects my face. It’s difficult enough to keep my glasses on throughout the day.

More often that not, it feels like the nerves in my face are nauseous, ready to vomit. Not a pretty image, I know. It is incredibly uncomfortable and anxiety provoking. I try really hard not to focus on the sensations. And I’m sorry for the graphic description. But try living with that sensation marching across your entire face. Every day. But I try hard to block it out.

Wearing a mask is no easy feat for me. But I do it. I have to. Not only am I a person with freakish immunity. If something’s weird, chances are, I’ve got it somewhere in my body. Weird autoimmune levels? Check. Spinal condition that sounds like a spider disease? You betcha! Weird nervous system/chronic pain disease?! Of course!

Do I want to deal with Covid?!?! NO WAY. But I have been exposed to it. Therefore, I’d prefer to not unintentionally breathe on someone and make them sick. I also don’t want anyone to make me sick. Thanks anyway, but I’ve got enough to deal with.

I am acutely aware of my interactions with other people when I have to leave home. I give people a wide berth on the sidewalk. We step aside and let others pass. But I actually had two women – who weren’t wearing masks – intentionally move closer to me and laugh. In a jump-scare type of motion. As if that’s funny. I’m not laughing.
The stand people believe they’re taking is only jeopardizing everyone. It’s selfish and shortsighted.

That’s the first thing. It’s my opinion and I’m sticking with it. The second thing, (for which there’s no good segue after my rant), is about sleep. Sorry. 😂

I’ve spent years sleeping badly. It’s been one of my constants. During our last telehealth call, my doc recommended melatonin (again). He’s been suggesting it, and various prescriptions, for years. I always said I might try it, but never did.

This is going to sound questionable, because I am still a registered nurse, but the idea of adding another pill – even a naturally occurring hormone – to my body, seemed like a bad idea. For years, I was taking a muscle relaxant twice a day in the hopes that it would decrease spasms and help me sleep at night. It sort of worked for a while. But then it didn’t. It wasn’t doing much of anything. And I began thinking that if the higher dose muscle relaxant wouldn’t help me sleep, what could a low dose of melatonin do? Seemingly warped logic.

Anyway, last night, I took my first melatonin pill. Maybe it was a complete coincidence that I slept reeeeally well AND woke up early on my own. But maybe it worked. And it was just one night. It could have been my exhaustion, but I doubt it. I think it helped me.

Will it continue to do that? Who knows? But I’m willing to try. I have to, at this point. I rarely fall asleep before 3:30-4a.m. It’s hard to function at all some days. That’s when I’m on autopilot. I’m thinking that I have nothing to lose. Except sleep? And that’s already happening, sooooo……

Melatonin it is! And so it begins.

Here’s to sleep. Here’s to thinking of others as much as we think of ourselves (just wear the mask! Please!). Here’s hoping we have a calm, low-pain, safe week. ❤️

Peace and painlessness,

Beck ❤️

#thisiswhatsicklookslike #crps #rsd #arachnoiditis #justwearthemask #stayhome

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