For my mom, my sisters, and my gal……..

This week, I just want to send up a message of gratitude.

Here’s to the moms, the grandmothers, the stepmothers, aunts, godmothers, sisters, teachers, mentors, fur mamas, and friends. Here’s to the dads who serve as both father and mother. Here’s to the educators who are sometimes the only maternal or caring figures in someone’s life. Here’s to all of the amazing people in our lives who have

Here’s to my mom, the most incredible woman I am blessed to know. Here’s to her strength, courage, knowledge, and general fabulousness. Here’s to my sisters – a group of incredible women who have helped and guided me in countless ways. And here’s to my gal, for whom I’ll be grateful for the rest of my life. You are pure magic.

Here’s to all of these wonderful people in our lives.

Wishing all of you a safe, low pain, peaceful week to come.

Peace and painlessness,

Beck ❤️🌸

#thisiswhatsicklookslike #strokesurvivor #rsd #crps #arachnoiditis #autoimmune #migraine #sacroiliacjoint #facetjoint #backpain #medicalmarijuana #carpaltunnelsyndrome #cubitaltunnelsyndrome #patientadvocacy #painintheBECK #phantosmia #dextroscoliosis #thoracickyphosis#lumbarlordosis #meralgiaparesthetica #herestohope #gratefulalways

Everyday magic……

The extraordinary flowers I see every day. The laughter of friends. Dogs, (because, come on: DOGS!). Suddenly running into a friend you haven’t seen in forever. Too many other things to list. It’s all a part of the magic. At least it is for me.

Perfect example: the eastern redbud.

I adore these trees because they look like every other tree most of the year. But for 2-3 weeks every spring, they bloom and turn positively fabulous shades of pink and purple. And then it’s done. They return to life among the other trees, almost as if that blooming hadn’t happened. A Cinderella moment in nature.

I’ve tried to take pictures of them, to attempt to capture what those colors look like. No picture I’ve taken has captured the depth of those shades. It just reminds me of a magic trick! Now you see it, now you don’t.

Butterflies are magical too. A few weeks back, we had one of the first truly warm days of the season. I was walking my buddy and counted 7 butterflies! That’s unusual. Now, I’m a person who finds symbolism and beauty in things like that. A butterfly is never simply a butterfly. Think of that what you will, but I take it as a message. A hello from a loved one. And that brings me peace.

I adore dogs. I love it when a dog chooses me, when they decide that I’m worthy of a nose boop. In my mind, it’s because they’ve judged me to be a good person and are trustworthy. What a ranking by such an esteemed judge! I’ll take it.

Maybe I make it all more than it is, but why not find the song in the air? The beauty in the leaf that lands in front of me? I’m a person who actively searches for all of this because it brings me joy. I want to immerse myself in life’s good stuff because life itself is hard. It’s painful. If I can enjoy the flowers on my walk, then maybe I won’t feel the way my sacroiliac joint is locking so acutely. Maybe I’ll notice my leg spasms less.

Please try this, wherever you are. I’m not saying, “just ignore all of the pain you’re in and skip through the day.” I couldn’t and wouldn’t be so ridiculous. But I want you to try and take a look around, wherever you are, and let the beauty find you. See the goodness, whenever you can, and allow the endorphins to bring you some relief. I promise I’m not discounting the pain and stress of every day. I’m simply encouraging everyone to let some good seep in. It’s out there, we just have to be willing to see it. ❤️

As for me, I will be perpetually overjoyed to see my favorite tree. As of this blog, our local redbuds are embarking on their return to green.

I’m a positive person. I can’t help it. Despite all of the bad that happens in the world, I want to find joy. I’m hungry for it. It makes the physical hurt less.

For my efforts, the universe sees fit to reward me with so many beautiful memories – flowers, dogs, trees, and everything in between.

And I’ll be forever grateful for all of that everyday magic. ❤️

Wishing you the same.

Peace and painlessness,

Beck ❤️

#thisiswhatsicklookslike #strokesurvivor #rsd #crps #arachnoiditis #autoimmune #migraine #sacroiliacjoint #facetjoint #backpain #medicalmarijuana #carpaltunnelsyndrome #cubitaltunnelsyndrome #patientadvocacy #painintheBECK #phantosmia #dextroscoliosis #thoracickyphosis#lumbarlordosis #meralgiaparesthetica #herestohope #gratefulalways

Que será será……

I was sitting here with my little buddy, on a shaded park bench, replaying the weekend.

I rested from the injection and dental work. Then, on Sunday, my husband and I both felt like we needed a big walk. So we had an adventure on one of our longer routes. It was slightly chaotic, but I attribute it to the beautiful weather. The problem is when people are walking on the same paths as those riding bikes, skateboards, scooters, etc. and no one is paying attention to anyone else on the path. It’s like an advanced and scarier game of “Frogger.”

But, today, as I sat with my buddy, I remembered the one thing I hadn’t done yesterday: I never published my blog. 🤦🏻‍♀️

You all know how much that upsets me, missing my weekly deadlines. But I can’t undo it, so why get upset? It doesn’t serve a purpose. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that publishing the blog I’d planned for yesterday next weekend actually works out better. We’ll be on the road, so I won’t have the time to really work on the blog.

So that’s that. Life happens. Life happened! And I’m okay with that. Shocker, I know. 😂

Wishing each of you a calm, low pain week. Here’s to rolling along, even when our plans change unexpectedly. Especially then. And here’s to all animals that I don’t want

Peace and painlessness,

Beck 😂

#thisiswhatsicklookslike #strokesurvivor #rsd #crps #arachnoiditis #autoimmune #migraine #sacroiliacjoint #facetjoint #backpain #medicalmarijuana #carpaltunnelsyndrome #cubitaltunnelsyndrome #patientadvocacy #painintheBECK #phantosmia #dextroscoliosis #thoracickyphosis#lumbarlordosis #meralgiaparesthetica #herestohope #gratefulalways

Out and about on a Friday evening….. one of my “mores”………

I had the opportunity to do something incredible on Friday night AND my husband came with me, which made the whole thing even better.

A few weeks back, I had seen a post by one of my costume industry heroes – Marc Happel, Director of Costumes for the New York City Ballet. He released an exquisite book (published by Rizzoli) in September 2023, New York City Ballet: Choreography and Couture.

My gal got the book for me as a Christmas gift and I had planned to attend two separate book signings. I missed the first because I was sick. The second one was on a day when I’d had a follow up appointment with my pain management doc. I was too tired to stay in Manhattan until the time of the event, so I returned home incredibly bummed out to have missed it.

Well, back to the post from a few weeks ago. Marc Happel was coming to the National Arts Club for a talk about his book! It was also a free event!! I just had to reserve my spot.

When we arrived, we were enamored with the beauty of the historical building. If you ever have the chance to attend an event there, I highly recommend that you go.

The talk was so fabulous. Not only had he signed my book at the start, but he was gracious enough to pose for a picture at the end of the talk. I was so grateful. To say that I was starstruck is putting it mildly. But I surprised myself by being able to put a sentence together when we spoke, so there’s that.🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Mr. Happel is extremely kind and funny. Meeting him was next level for me. I was so afraid something would go awry for me this time that no one even knew we were going. I was too nervous to mention it. Needless to say, our gal was thrilled that 1) I got to meet him and 2) that my husband and I were having an evening out. We’re truly homebodies at heart, so this was big. And since this coming week is full of medical appointments, I was so happy to do something fun and magical.

It was such a wonderful experience.

When you can take a chance, get out in the world, and experience a “more,” DO IT!! You’ll be so happy you did.

Here’s to more. Here’s to adventures. Here’s to Marc Happel. And here’s to all of you.

Peace and painlessness,

Beck ❤️

#thisiswhatsicklookslike #strokesurvivor #rsd #crps #arachnoiditis #autoimmune #migraine #sacroiliacjoint #facetjoint #backpain #medicalmarijuana #carpaltunnelsyndrome #cubitaltunnelsyndrome #patientadvocacy #painintheBECK #phantosmia #dextroscoliosis #thoracickyphosis#lumbarlordosis #meralgiaparesthetica #herestohope #gratefulalways #marchappel #newyorkcityballet

What we see……

I was walking my little buddy earlier this week and he decided to pull me along a different route. Occasionally, he sits down wherever we are to people watch or stare at the squirrels and/or birds. I’m used to him doing this. And for a tiny, 5lb dog, he’s remarkably strong about not wanting to move until he’s good and ready, 😂. I can tug on the leash and say, “let’s go!” And he will simply dig in and not react. 😂

Anyway, we were in the midst of one of these moments and I happened to look down at the grass. It took me a second to understand what I was seeing there – it was a piece of fabric covered in sequins! What a fortuitous moment to pause!

I could hardly make it out, it had been walked/rained on that week and slightly buried by the various animals that go through the park on a daily basis. But there it was, glinting slightly in the sunlight. I was overcome with wanting to get a picture of it. Of course, that was when my buddy decided he was ready to leave the park. But I did get the picture.

[*Unfortunately, I’m unable to share pictures on WordPress, so I’ll give my WordPress readers a link to the picture on my Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/p/C5wa8osPAnf/?igsh=MWIxemZ3Mzl6bDdxNw==%5D.

It’s funny, it looked exactly like a costume we’d received many years ago, back at the school. A dance wear company heard about our program and decided to gift us with three huge boxes of costumes they had leftover from discontinued lines. It was a tremendous gift. Some of it we immediately donated since it was for much younger kids than the ones we worked with. Some was used in the show we had that season. And some I was able to take apart and recycle into other looks. It was fun to go through those giant boxes. Such an enormous treasure!

It was in one of those boxes that I came upon a costume comprised of three separate pieces. As a whole look, it was too small for our kids. But taken apart, it made fabulous accessories – a scarf, a belt, even faux jewelry.

But it was similar to that piece of fabric. A champagne colored mesh with matching sequins. So sparkly and beautiful. I had a moment, staring down at the fabric in the park, when I wondered if it came from our old costume cabinet at the school. Then I laughed at myself for even thinking it.

But then my mind went in another direction. How often are we able to find the beautiful in life? The shiny, sparkly bits among the dirt? Life gets ugly and painful and there isn’t a person alive who doesn’t experience that. On weeks when our rock backpacks get super heavy, we can’t always see the good around us – if there even is good to be seen.

And yet, sometimes, the good finds us. When we least expect it, ✨there it is✨. I think I was meant to look down at that moment. The universe gave me that gift.

I found that happening a few times this week. Once, with the fabric. A couple of other times, with unexpected sightings of beautiful flowers. I was so taken by them that I had to get pictures. (WordPress readers, they’re going to be with the earlier link). I even had two separate sightings of cardinals! They were too fast for me to get pics of.

Those moments made me smile. I couldn’t help myself! I actually felt myself get emotionally lighter. These things surprised me. When I was lucky enough to be a witness, I let them in as the gifts that they were. My joy level was high.

Some days, it’s easy to do that. Some, not so much.

Even I am not always open to those happy, sparkly bits of life. Sometimes I’ll see something amazing, but can’t gather the energy to react like I did this week. I’ll try to file them away for later. Too often, with my memory being the way it is, I’ll forgot about them. Occasionally, I’ll write a word or phrase down, in the hope that they’ll trigger the memory for me. But, maybe they’re just meant to be snippets of joy at that time – not a full-sized candy bar of a moment like the sequined fabric, flowers, and birds were. And I’m okay with that.

But, when you can, let those moments in. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again: the joy will give you such an endorphin boost. It changes my whole attitude, even if it’s only for a little while. Any boost is a positive boost.

Let the light in when you see it. Let the joy in when you find it. And know that I’m wishing that for all of you every day.

Here’s to the joys, big and little. Here’s to finding fabulous sequined fabric unexpectedly. And here’s to all of you.

Peace and painlessness,

Beck ❤️

#thisiswhatsicklookslike #strokesurvivor #rsd #crps #arachnoiditis #autoimmune #migraine #sacroiliacjoint #facetjoint #backpain #medicalmarijuana #carpaltunnelsyndrome #cubitaltunnelsyndrome #patientadvocacy #painintheBECK #phantosmia #dextroscoliosis #thoracickyphosis#lumbarlordosis #meralgiaparesthetica #herestohope #gratefulalways

A truly interesting week…..

It’s not often that I can say that I had two doctors appointments and an earthquake, all in one week. But that’s what happened.

Wednesday was hectic. I had my pain management doc at 2 pm, my neurologist at 4 pm, and it was pouring rain all day long. When I say that I spent the better part of the day soaked, I am not kidding. There are certain days in NYC when an umbrella is simply a waste of time because the combination of the rain and wind whipping up from the East river makes it a joke to even attempt coverage. I tried – and failed – to stay as dry as possible. I didn’t want to drip all over either medical practice. Oh well.

Anyway, I blew in like a wet leaf to appointment #1 and had a good visit with my pain management doctor. We both think the right sacroiliac injection was a success. But now we think I need to have one on the left side. He said my lower back muscles are extremely tight. He wants me to keep working to stretch those muscles out, since that tightness is contributing greatly to the amount of pain I’m in. So, injection #2 is in motion. I’ll keep you posted.

Appointment #2 and – by that point – my coat could have been rung out like a dish towel. My neurologist is a really good guy who listens and believes me. And that is a magical unicorn in medicine, as any one of us chronically managing folks can tell you. His office fit me in because of the dizzy spells I’ve been having. After I explained them, he said, “I’ll start by saying that I don’t think we need to be worried….” I can’t tell you how good that made me feel. He still wants me to have the MRI done, because of my stroke history. And the migraines. He said it could also be a delayed response from my brain after the tree incident. Like, if I did have a concussion but didn’t necessarily show traditional signs of one at the time. It was humiliating having to tell him that I slammed into a tree. Ugh. Anyway, the spells can also be migraine related or even even a perimenopausal thing. Who knew? Aging is SO much fun. 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄

Honestly, whatever comes of the MRI, I know I’m in good hands. He wants me to have the results sent to him and we’ll talk again afterwards.

But, on Friday morning, I was sitting in the apartment and suddenly, everything started moving and rattling. I’ll be honest, I thought I was having another stroke or some kind of medical emergency. I immediately went to call out for my husband and our daughter. But then I remembered that I was home alone. It was the sound of the bookcases moving behind me that made me realize that what was happening was external. I froze where I was. Once it all stopped, I heard my neighbors in the main hallway. That’s what prompted me to unfreeze and text my family. Everyone was shaken up (literally) because we don’t have events like this in the tri-state area often. The last one was in 2011, I think. Back then, I grabbed my gal and tried to reassure her of the strength of our old apartment. Friday’s was highly dramatic because it was a 4.8 magnitude and we’re just not used to earthquakes here. I commend the strength and courage of the people who live in earthquake/tornado/tsunami/volcano zones. I couldn’t do it without being constantly afraid. Naturally, it occupied the conversations of everyone around here for the rest of the day.

So that was that. I’m relieved going into the MRI, no matter what it shows. I’d be panicking until the 22nd otherwise. And I don’t need that stress.

Here’s to getting reassurances from trusted allies. Here’s to procedures that actually work. And here’s to all of you, coming along for the ride. Thank you!

Peace and painlessness,

Beck ❤️

#thisiswhatsicklookslike #strokesurvivor #rsd #crps #arachnoiditis #autoimmune #migraine #sacroiliacjoint #facetjoint #backpain #medicalmarijuana #carpaltunnelsyndrome #cubitaltunnelsyndrome #patientadvocacy #painintheBECK #phantosmia #dextroscoliosis #thoracickyphosis#lumbarlordosis #meralgiaparesthetica #herestohope #gratefulalways

Beautiful words on a spring Sunday……

Earlier this week, I passed a store that had these beautiful words in the window. They seemed familiar somehow. So, if I’ve shared them before, please forgive me. Even if I have, they’re worth sharing again.

I don’t post this lightly. This has been one of the most painful weeks I’ve had in a very long time. My back is unbearable. The right sacroiliac joint acted up a bit, post injection. But the left side and my lower back nearly had me in tears at times. Especially at night. But that’s neither here nor there. I have to keep moving forward. I simply have to keep moving, forward or backward. When I stop and stay still, I feel it all the more. So I move.

I don’t want anything to stop me. Correction, I don’t ALLOW anything to stop me. And so, on we go.

I sincerely hope you can enjoy the words that made me smile this week, taking whatever comfort you can from them. And so, I give to you Max Ehrmann’s “Desiderata.”

“Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements, as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”

©️1927, Max Erhmann

Happy Easter! Happy spring!

Peace and painlessness,

Beck ❤️🌷🐣🐰

#thisiswhatsicklookslike #strokesurvivor #rsd #crps #arachnoiditis #autoimmune #migraine #sacroiliacjoint #facetjoint #backpain #medicalmarijuana #carpaltunnelsyndrome #cubitaltunnelsyndrome #patientadvocacy #painintheBECK #phantosmia #dextroscoliosis #thoracickyphosis#lumbarlordosis #meralgiaparesthetica #herestohope #gratefulalways #maxerhmann