05/31/2023

Post move update

#thisiswhatsicklookslike #strokesurvivor #rsd #crps #arachnoiditis #autoimmune #migraine #sacroiliacjoint #facetjoint #backpain #medicalmarijuana #carpaltunnelsyndrome #cubitaltunnelsyndrome #patientadvocacy #painintheBECK #phantosmia #dextroscoliosis #thoracickyphosis #lumbarlordosis

05/27/2023

What we can and cannot do……

Hello! I had so many things planned for the past week. Packing deadlines, staying organized, etc. It is with total honesty that I tell you how only some of those goals were met.

My husband has been an apartment-packing force to be reckoned with. He and our gal have been keeping me moving along, even when I’d just have preferred to curl up in a ball and cry.

Switching homes, jobs, schools, doctors, (or whatever you’ve changed in your lives), is not easy. We do our best to roll along, going with the flow. But the reality is more complicated. Change isn’t easy. Whether it’s a choice you’ve made on your own or if something else is the catalyst, it isn’t easy. I’m equal parts nervous and excited to make this leap.

My emotions have absolutely run the gamut in the last few days. As much as I wanted to have things well and truly wrapped up by now, the fact is that we’ll be packing late into tomorrow night. The movers will be here sometime Sunday morning. (Cue footage of me breathing into a paper bag).

The thing I keep saying is, “We’ll be okay. It’ll all work out. It has to.” I keep saying it because it’s true. We WILL be okay. It WILL work out. And yes, it absolutely HAS to. I’m operating on the idea that if you put something out into the universe enough, you’ll manifest it. (Also cue me fervently praying that my idea is not mistaken).

All of that being said, I can only do what I can do. Stuff that’s not move related has been pushed to the wayside, unfortunately. That means that the blog I had planned is not happening.

I can only do what I can do. It’s true for all of us. And I realized that stressing about this – in addition to the move – wasn’t helpful. So I’m picking my battles. It’s kind of liberating, in a weird way.

One consolation of this packing madness has been finding a lot of lost treasures. Take, for example, the discovery of the epic, photographic masterpiece that is me with crimped hair, circa 1988-89.😂😂😂 (see my instagram for it. The uploa crashes each time I try to add it here. I’m sorry!).

I’ll leave you with that cringe-worthy moment and wish all of you a safe, peaceful weekend.

Peace and painlessness,

Beck ❤️

05/25/2023

On my move…….

05/20/2023

Packing…..

Ugh. This weekend has one theme: packing up. I fully admit to the panic attack I had earlier (and am sort of still having) today. I’m incapacitated by the sheer volume of stuff that has to come to our apartment next weekend. Good grief.🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m going to keep this one short. The weird rash on my leg is gone. Thank goodness.

My back is still a mess. I’m tired and sore and wish I could clone myself but have her be strong, wide awake, not sore, and completely confident about where everything will go in the new place. That would be awesome.

The past week has been a blur of office visits, donation trips, a graduation, a first visit with family I haven’t seen since before lockdown. It was awesome. And, as if all of that wasn’t enough, we also found an amazing new home for “Darlene,” my Singer dressform.

I think I have to leave it there for now. I’m exhausted and have barely accomplished anything today. 😬

I’m off to the kitchen to continue deciding what’s getting donated (hello mugs and plates we haven’t used in……???? I literally don’t remember some of this stuff). Keep a good thought for us, we’re going to need it. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Peace and painlessness,

Beck ❤️

05/19/2023

Blog update…

It’ll be up tomorrow!

05/19/2023

Made it, with an hour to spare……

05/13/2023

Peace in the chaos…..

We made a few trips between the old place and new last week. It’s incredible, the sense of calm that has taken up residence in my mind and heart . It’s one of the most intense times of our life, but I can’t find it in me to shut down and roll up in a ball.

I equate it to feeling like Indiana Jones, trying to outrun the giant boulder. And yet, here I am, finding a sense of peace in the panic. Trust me, we have a lot to freak out about. But the overwhelming sensation is one of peace. A sense of moving in the right direction. A genuine sense of joy.

When one stays in the same place for a long, long time, things become settled. We tend to not move things around because we don’t have to. No one’s going anywhere, so there’s no need to shift anything. But when one has to make changes, move to smaller spaces, or the like, that’s when we realize how much settling we’ve done. In our case, we’ve lived in this place for nearly 26 years and there’s been a LOT of settling. 🤦🏻‍♀️

And yet, there’s peace.

I walked through our new neighborhood and saw possibilities. I traveled on the new train line and saw that I can easily get where I need to go. It’s not impossible. I’m filled with joy as I stand in the new apartment, no hesitation or concern that I’m not where I’m supposed to be. I truly am.

And there is peace.

I know no place/person/thing is perfect. I know that each new adventure comes with challenges and frustrations. But I’m okay with that, because I’m going where I’m supposed to go. And I’m with my team, my incredible husband and our gal. So, no matter what, we’ll be okay. We’ve been through a lot over the years and come out on the other side together.

And we keep our peace.

That’s what I’m focusing on. Keeping the joy of this new adventure going. On the joyful things.

Wishing each of you the same.

Peace and painlessness,

Beck ❤️

05/07/2023

I am….

It’s been an interesting week. Chaos, anyone? Forgive me if I continue talking about “the move.” It’s obviously all we can focus on, especially since it’s happening soon. I’ve only done two major moves in my life. The first was right after we got married. The second was two years later. Escaping our first apartment (shudder), we landed in the home we’ve had for nearly 26 years. It was a lightning strike, a once in a lifetime moment. The couple who owned the house was extraordinarily kind. We developed a wonderful relationship that will be forever treasured.

This experience has also highlighted quite a few things about myself. Things that I am.

I am:

…disorganized. (This is a known fact that I’m not proud of. It’s also something I’m working on.

…a packrat. (Not proud of this either. I’m working on becoming an anti-packrat).

….waaaay too accommodating. I find myself apologizing for things that don’t require an apology or explanation. I immediately start trying to makes things better for the other person. It’s sort of a family epidemic, though).

…happy to be making this change. (I didn’t think I would be. Hearing the news initially made me cry. But the more I imagine the future, the more I can see us enjoying this change. A new adventure in a new space).

…very lucky to have my husband and our gal on my team. (We’ve been through a heck of a lot over the years, so planning a move and making it happen will be difficult, but not impossible. We can do it).

We are going to be okay. Actually, I find myself saying, “it’ll all work out. It has to.” And “it’ll be okay.” Those are my mantras. Despite hiccups along the way, worries about various things, etc., I find myself repeating those phrases throughout the day. It gives me peace and helps me keep my quick-to panic button in check.

Why did I list them? It helps to see it in writing and remind myself of the habits I want to break and the traits I want to preserve. There are more, but I don’t need to see them all to know they’re out there.

In the meantime, we’re with our gal and enjoying this great life adventure.

Wishing each of you a low pain, calm weekend.

Peace and painlessness,

Beck ❤️

05/03/2023

An obvious peace…..

04/29/2023

These messed ends……..

I was half asleep, typing a good morning message to our gal in a family group text. Minutes later, she called me and asked if I was okay. Confused, I said, “yes…. Why?” She directed me to the message I’d just sent. I got hysterical laughing when I saw that I’d texted the following message to my family:

Goooooood morning – these messed ends Goood luck. Îs I’m Mo k try N today

I kid you not. The text, along with the accompanying MeMoji makes me laugh. It wasn’t funny to my family though, until they knew I was safe and medically okay. 🤦🏻‍♀️

At least I started it with “good morning” before the wheels came off. Ugh. That just about sums up how my brain is working at the moment – very little sleep and total mental chaos. I have no idea what else I was trying to say beyond good morning. Who the heck knows? But I kind of like the expression “these messed ends.” It makes sense to me, for some wacky reason.

As we prepare to upend our lives from this wonderful place – where we’ve lived for nearly 26 years – I’m made aware of more and more crucial details. There’s so much to do, so many moving parts. It’s honestly like pulling a piece out of a Jenga. (Which, incidentally, is what we call one of our closets. You move one thing and -💥- a whole bunch of other stuff moves with you. (Although, at the moment, that does not happen since I organized it, but for how long? I couldn’t tell you). 🥴

It almost feels like waking up in a different era. Moving in 1997 vs. 2023 seems soooooo different. Having the internet makes everything easier. Plans are in motion. Memories are being relived. It’s bittersweet, for sure. But it’s also exciting. The actual process is overwhelming and exhausting and we haven’t reeeeally even started yet. I have to be mindful of how I feel, making sure I try to avoid anything that can make me flare. If that’s even possible. My doctor wasn’t thrilled about all of this, but what can we do?

Right now, I’m excited and tired and nervous and happy and nostalgic. I’m a ball of emotions. It’s time to move on. Time to start anew.

Here’s to new beginnings! Here’s to facing the stuff that scares us.

Here’s to these messed ends. ☺️

Wishing each of you a safe, happy, peaceful weekend.

Peace and painlessness,

Beck ❤️